What It’s Like Dating Someone Who’s More Attractive Than You [Intimacy Issues]
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-Somebody’s hungry!…me.
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-Ooo, you know what? Let’s try
that new place on Ludlow.
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-Great! They deliver right?
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-No, I mean like, actually go to
the restaurant.
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-That’s crazy! You don’t want to
leave?
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-Yeah, why? It’s beautiful out!
Oh, we can get our steps in!
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-I don’t know, I’m comfy.
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-Is there a reason you don’t
want to go out?
-Yes. A very specific one.
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-So, on the subway yesterday, I
read this GQ article over
someone’s shoulder.
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They were scrolling a little
quickly, but I think I got the
gist.
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-How is this important?
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-Hanna, this concerns the fabric
of our very lives. The article
states that most successful
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relationships happen between
people of similar
attractiveness.
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-So?
-“So,” we are fundamentally at
risk here.
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-What are you talking about,
Paul?
-Allow me to explain.
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-Ahh! That's not for yet!
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Ok, and, God. I took an average
of our profile picture likes,
factored in comments, “love”s, “sad”s
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— I was the only one with
“sad”s, that hurt
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but the results show that you
are 1.62 points hotter than me
on the 10 scale.
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-What are you 12 years old? None
of this matters. I think you’re
a 10.
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-Then how do you explain this?
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Ah!! Ahh! I DIDN’T EVEN DRAW
THAT ONE?!!!
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Anyhoo, you could see why it’s
statistically dangerous for us
to leave the apartment.
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-Ok, so what’s the plan? Are we
just gonna never leave?
-Oh, thank God. I’m so glad that you said it.
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-Paul, I was joking. This is
stupid.
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-What's stupid about isolating
ourselves? Anything we can get
out there we can get in here!
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-Ok, so, um what if I want to go
out and I want to go dancing?
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-Easy! Alexa! Play dance music!
-Playing Dan Music.
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Who’s Dan?! Alexa stop! Who’s
Dan?!
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-Dan is my dad! Stop yelling at
my stuff.
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-Thank God. I thought it was
someone who was objectively more
attractive than I am.
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-Oh, hey dude!
-Hey! Thanks for letting me
borrow this.
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-Oh yeah!
-Yeah! Later, Cory!
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-Alright, later.
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-What a poignant example of
exactly what I’m talking about.
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-What? Your math says I should
be with Cory? Come on.
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Maybe! But it’s not about
“Cory,” it’s about every Cory!
When I look at that piece of meat, I just see a number
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— and guess what — it’s way
higher than mine.
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-Paul, this is ridiculous. You
think I’m just going out with
you for your looks?
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-Um, I did! But even if it’s not
just about looks, I mean I’m a
good guy. But I’m not great.
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There are way better guys, and
some of those guys have abs.
Fantastic abs.
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-Oh my God. Paul, our
relationship is so much more
complex than that. It's not like I'm gonna go out and bump into
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some random hot guy and dump
you. Look, you make me grow in
ways that I can’t explain. I am gonna get
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ready to go to the
restaurant. I hope that you’ll
come with me.
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-Hey, man. It’s Cory.
-Hi, Cory.
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-You know, from earlier?
-I know who you are, Cory.
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-I couldn’t help but overhear
your conversation with Hanna.
-Okay
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-Look, I just went through the
same thing with a girl who was
way more attractive than I was.
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So don’t sell yourself short. I
mean look man, you got a great
set of abs.
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-I purchased these at a Party
City.
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-Oh, um. Come here. Get in here.
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My man, you are rock hard.
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-That’s real.
-Thought so.
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